An Ark of Bull, Giant, Unicorn, and Sheeple Doodoo

Ah, yes, the Answers in Genesis’ The Ark Encounter Theme Park!

The Ark is one of the best-known historical accounts in the Bible. Independent research has shown that millions will come to see it, and learn how it and the Flood were real events in history.

The Ark is being built on a beautiful rolling terrain site just off Interstate I-75, about 40 interstate miles from the Creation Museum in northern Kentucky (near Cincinnati). God willing and as the financial support isprovided, this spectacular reminder to the world is planned to open in the spring of 2014.

Deanne Galbraith over at Remnant of Giants, has wondered if the new, “life size” (or should it be “fantasy sized”  centrepiece of the proposed creationist, Noah’s Ark theme park will feature giants since, according to Genesis, two must have been recruited by Noah since they appear both before and after the flood narrative.

The giant loving Galbraith writes:

The theme park, to be called Ark Encounter, is also aiming to gather $25m donations from the public. Yet, before I spend $1000 to donate a plank to the proposed theme-park, I want to be dang sure it’s going to have Giants. Heck, I’m going to demandGiants, even if I’m only donating $100 for a wooden peg.

He has written to them, asking about the giants. No answer yet, but as he reports, Answers in Genesis, is asserting that there will be unicorns.

Now, there are other points of “historical” detail that needs consideration. For instance, will there be a poop-deck?

CANNED HAM COMICS, great stuff!

I mean, honestly, all those critters will produce a LOT of poop. Who is going to shovel it? Or did it have flush toilets? Probably not, since the Bible does not describe it. With only eight people aboard, there would be TONS of poop to shovel and so, there would probably NEVER have been a single day on that barge in which there were not piles of oozing, smelly, excrement left laying around waiting for (probably) one daughter in law of Noah to come shovel it out.


Vote for my kitteh!

On which deck level would be the most prolific poopers like elephants, brontosauruses, etc.? Having them on the upper decks might cause some stability problems, but putting them in the lower decks (with very high ceilings) would mean the poop would not only have to be shovelled but lifted to get them over the side. SO:

Will the Ark Encounter have big piles of model poop? Or real poop?

From Rhyming Verse, by Dorothy Thompson


Now, I don’t know how many people will visit the park on any given day, nor do I know how many different species of land critters and birds and so forth must have been on the ark (must have been THOUSANDS). But will there be proportionally comparable number of toilet cleaners at the park as there were poop-shovellers on the ark? Inquiring minds want to know!




So, I inquired:

Hi. I’m wondering about the historical accuracy of the proposed Ark at the Ark Encounters Theme Park, especially as it depicts the quality of life for Noah and his family Given the large number of animals and small numbers of people aboard to feed and care for the cargo, will the reproduction include multiple statues of the people doing multiple tasks at one time, or will there be only one of each person, with some required explanation as to how these few could do all the necessary work?
And given the above, will there be representations of all the animal poop that will need to be shovelled, and will its smell be historically accurate?

I will,of course, keep everyone informed about any response! Of course, it’s always possible that the giants helped!

And  you can also get one of these from to help save your filthy lucre to buy a plank for the new park! Hey, you know what they say about biblical literalism, that shit’s expensive!

Leave a comment, get a comment!