Biblical Studies Bras

A few years ago a student of mine, Nicole, who should remain nameless, sent me a joke that listed a few denominational bras. E.g., the Salvation Army bra provides support for the fallen). I  was sure I could do better and started my “If Religions Made Bras” collection. I’ve a added a few rather more skeptical bras there too.

Well, I’ve decided that Old Testament Scholarship might produce a few of its own, and here are some suggestions along with their advertising slogans.

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The Tantalizing Textural Bra. Each one hand made and unique. Garuanteed no two the same! Each one conveniently rolls up!  (*please note, these bras are sourced from various locales. Minor variations and apparent inconsistencies in the material are to be expected in this series and are not covered by waranty). Clay storage jars sold separately. Please keep away from worms, water and other sources of decay. Please beware of unlicenced dealers.

The Documentary Hyperbole. On of out all time great sellers, available in all sizes in J, E, D, and P cups. It seems a little frumpy at first but custom orders are welcome so you can have tradition your way. Comes with full hypothetical documentation.

Generic enigma. Our most cost-effective model given how even the discriminating form critic will study you over and over wondering just what sort of woman you are! Keep them guessing, with this bra that defies categorization. Don’t just sitz im your leben, be set to live!

The DeuteronoHysteria. One of our most Nothworthy creations, this series comes in a number of models. The baseline DtrH is made of select pieces of the finest traditional material, sewn together in a way that will make single minded statement about how naughty you really can be! Our deluxe models include extra ”Redaction-Attraction” layers, so you can make it as appealing as you dare and smooth out any wrinkles!

Final Form Fantasy Bra: A truly eyecatching number with completley invisible seams that will be the beholder of your own beauty. (*warning, this model is very fragile and is prone to deconstruct if someone doesn’t think it fits perfectly).

Maximal Reactionary Bra: For those who like their figures as fully rounded as their arguments, this  offers nothing but the finest in traditional craftsmenship that proves more is better! No doubts about it!

The Bare Minimalist: Designed in Copenhagen and underwired with the highest quality Sheffield steel, this is the perfect choice for sexy evening wear on those romantic “late dates”. Those Persians will be purring like Hellenists when they see you in this controversial creation!

Ancient Ugaritic: “Ili milku’s Sex & Fertility Wonderlifter!” Defeat your Yamms’ tendencies to usurp your divine dignity with this holy treat that’s easy to wear with our patented Zaphon (and Zaphoff) technology. You don’t need lots of Baals to wear this, you’ll get them after! Anat’s a fact!

The Structuralist (pictured below)

Discontinued. Thank God.

The Society of Biblical Literature Annual Meeting Bra.

Not exactly as shown.

One size, fits no one. Liable to come unsnapped at any time, but looks great at all those late night receptions. Amount of padding varies year to year. More useful as a tote bag as it only has one cup. One per customer.

And see our SPECIAL OVERSTOCK CLEARANCE PRICE ON:

Dilettante Hobby Horse Bra

“If I have to explain the goldfish, you OBVIOUSLY misread my post.”